Following the dharma in the 21st century

Though we all have the fear and the seeds of anger within us, we must learn not to water those seeds and instead nourish our positive qualities – those of compassion, understanding, and loving kindness.

Thich Nhat Hanh

I finally got around to watching a DVD that I got through LoveFilm.com called “The Tibetian Book of the Dead”. I spent a while during my gap year talking to an elderly Tibetian man who ran a second hand book store on the way from my hotel in Chettrapati to central Thamel, a route I took almost daily. Between his broken English and my kindergarten level Nepali, we managed to have some dialogue about Tibetian beliefs and Buddhism, which I found fascinating.

Watching the DVD I really came to realise just how unprepared we are as a culture for death, given that it is the only guaranteed outcome of our lives. When I spoke to the Tibetian guy in Nepal, he told me that they prepare for death from childhood, it is part of the teachings they learn at school and from their family. When people die, they aren’t just shoved into a freezer and then buried in a hole in the ground or burned on a fire, there are elaborate ceremonies which take place with the body in situ led by monks with the family members present, rituals to help guide the conscious through its journey to its new life, and finally a ritual offering up the physical body to the fire during cremation. It is believed that it can take up to 49 days for the conscious to find its new birth, so every day for 49 days, readings are made to encourage the search, to aim for the highest rebirth, and to provide support and nourishment.

What I found really inspiring was the Dalai Lama who likened the process of dying like changing your clothes when they wear out. When they become threadbare and start to fall apart, we simply discard them, find new clothes, and put on the new clothes. Death is like this – when our body wears out, when it becomes tired and falls apart, we simply discard it and move on. He also said that he looks to death with some excitement at times – to have renewed energy and vigor, to be able to start afresh. Part of his daily practice is around dying and rebirth, so he says that because it is something that he has prepared for, when it happens it is not frightening, it is just like another step in the journey, like the turning of a page or changing of clothes.

Certainly in my experience, talking about one’s death or that of a loved one is actively discouraged, I’ve often been told not to wish such things on people! If we think about it though, would your loved ones REALLY know what you would have wanted? I’ve heard it at people’s funerals I have attended and sometimes thought “well, I’m fairly sure it’s not what they would have wanted, actually!”.

Being in a long term relationship with someone who does not have any belief in religion or spirituality, I find it even more important to talk about these kind of issues openly and clearly – after all in this impermenant world I could be gone tomorrow, and how would he know “what I would have wanted” if I haven’t talked about it? I also think it’s important for me to explore more deeply the process of death and dying, not to hasten my own or anyone else’s … but to better prepare me for the inevitable!

We had an interesting dialogue about karma and rebirth at the centre recently when the death of the body and rebirth was likened to a change in energy, which I found to be a really good way of describing the process. Sometimes what is reborn is termed a “bundle of tendencies” but I find a change in energy sits better with my scientific, analytical mind!! It would also make sense since one of the first laws I learned in school physics lessons was that energy is neither created nor destroyed, it simply changes form.

Believe it or not, as a teenager I absolutely despised mornings, so much so that my mother had to give me a stern “mother-daughter” chat one day as I was so unpleasant in the mornings she was finding it difficult to cope with.

I really value the way that my mum managed this discussion because from that point forward I made a really conscious effort to be polite, friendly and even chirpy in the morning.

Over the years I have pondered more deeply on mornings, and there are several reasons I enjoy the mornings.

Firstly, I am grateful to be alive, to be with friends and family for another day. Life can be cut short at any point, and due to the impermenence of all things, I value each morning I awake in a comfortable life, with loving and kind friends around me.

Second, a saying comes to mind that what happened yesterday is over, done. What will happen tomorrow is in the future. What is happening here and now, in the present, is what is important and what we can influence. I find this particularly useful to consider as I often reflect too much on the past or dream about the future, not being fully present in the moment.

The morning to me is like a fresh start, an exciting opportunity for another day of journeying through life’s path.

More recently I have been more involved in studying Buddhism and taking the concepts of living a Buddhist lifestyle – in particular the five precepts – to heart. Each morning I consider something that I want to work on, perhps one of the precepts, or maybe something more general like being kind, or speaking to someone that I haven’t previously made time to get to know – and commit the rest of the day to becoming more aware of that aspect. Some days I do quite well, but many days I completely forget until I come to sit that evening!

Finally (well there are quite a few more!) I just love the stillness of the early morning, the stirring of the birds at dawn break and their musical call and response – I could listen for hours to the birdsong! It is almost like nature is welcoming us, gently, to the start of another day.

Wow, so much has happened since the last time I posted a news update, I keep thinking “what should I write?”  …. should I write what I want, or what I want people to read, or nothing at all?!  Surely nobody wants to know all the things going through my mind, or events I’ve been to?

There’s not much point in having a blog if I don’t write anything at all, that’s for sure!  So I’ve decided to try and let go of the ego/thinking and just write!  So here goes!  This is going to be a fairly long post as there’s quite a lot to update!

The winds of change – an update

The FWBO Young People’s Group young women’s retreat at Taraloka was, on reflection, a life changing weekend for me.  I am eternally grateful to everyone who was involved in organising the retreat, and of course to everyone who came along and gave inspiration, shared their thoughts, and became friends.  In particular I’ve been fortunate to form strong friendships with some people who were, before this weekend, complete strangers and who have now become invaluable in terms of their friendship, inspiration and support.

As a result of the weekend I started reflecting on all the issues that I had left “open” in my life which were unsatisfactory, some of which were really quite painful to address.  Firstly I wasn’t really enjoying my job, which also meant that I was having to spend virtually my entire evening and weekend spare time running my business, which had recently been taking off quite considerably.  This was putting a huge amount of pressure on my relationship with my partner, as well as starting to cause health problems which would later emerge to be far more significant than I could ever even begin to imagine.

While we had just bought our first house together, I knew that I needed to do something to address this issue, giving me more time to focus on building the business but while having a guaranteed income to cover my mortgage and loans.  Despite feeling quite imprisoned by having a mortgage, the liberation from renting , where we had to ask permission to do absolutely everything; and having a lovely garden as well as a huge amount more space, far outweighed this feeling.

In February the opportunity presented itself – to work for a good friend 3 days a week for a salary which would cover these outgoings, while leaving me with 2 days a week to run my business.  I jumped at the chance, and handed in my notice pretty much the next day!  The start of a new era!

Buddhism

While I’ve always been interested in Buddhism from a young age, going to the young women’s retreat really sparked a flame somewhere inside me, and made me realise that I needed to do something more than just talk about it!  I had started going along to the Colchester Buddhist Centre newcomer evenings on a Wednesday night a few weeks before the retreat, as my local centre’s days clashed with my hockey training.  Somehow, I just felt at home – the people were friendly and inviting, the practice non-judgemental and completely open to anyone, whether you have Buddhist views or not.

I really struggled with the meditations at first, it is amazing how we live our lives with so much chatter and noise going on in our minds!  I later found it very interesting to hear an Order member speak on this subject, explaning that it is ridiculous that we rest our bodies every day, take care to ensure we feed it and nourish it, and exercise it if it becomes out of shape, yet we do not ever give the mind a rest.  Even in our sleep, our mind is active with dreams, perceptions and so forth.  We often don’t even realise our mind is out of shape until we start looking inwards, or experience problems such as memory loss.

One of the most important things I learned in these early days is to just stick with it.  Meditation is a practice, not a goal to be achieved.  Whether the meditation went well or not, it helps me in my journey to improve – the more often I practiced, the better I was able to focus on the meditation subject and disregard the hundreds of trains of thought that try to intrude!

Other retreats

During the last few months I’ve been on quite a few retreats, both day and longer weekend or week-long retreats.  I won’t go into many but here are a few snippets of my experiences:

Day retreats

Silence - this was led by a Mitra as part of her project, and considered excerpts and inspiration from Sara Maitland’s book, “The Book of Silence”.  It really fascinated me when I considered the complete lack of silence in my life.  When I drive, I have the radio on.  When I work, I turn the radio on or put some mp3′s on.  If I am with people, I talk.  Rarely do I choose to be silent aside from during meditation.  After this retreat I started to look at this a bit more, by turning off the radio when driving for example.  The difference was quite unexpected – stopped at traffic lights, I suddenly noticed the birds singing in a nearby tree!  Without the distraction of the radio, I was able to turn my thoughts to other issues.  While I have somewhat dropped this practice I think I will buy the book and read it myself, and perhaps consider more how I can bring this into my life more fully.

Wesak celebrations – A really lovely day at Colchester Buddhist Centre celebrating Wesak, which is a day when the Buddha’s birth, enlightenment and death are celebrated around the world.  Some really lovely talks, puja’s and chats combined with a beautifully arranged shrine and some lovely warm weather allowing us to sit outside made this a lovely day.

Longer retreats

Sangha retreat - I signed up for a weekend retreat at Vajrasana with the Colchester Buddhist Centre, having been previously unable to attend the East Anglian Women’s Retreat.  I was a bit apprehensive about the retreat, having never been to Vajrasana, but a friend of mine came along too which was lovely to have someone to share the drive with!  The retreat was themed on the fetters of suffering, which I found quite interesting.  Again some really good talks from Srikirti, Prasadavajri and Amalaketu, as well as group sessions – mine was with Karunadhi.

International Retreat - Several of the young people’s group and some from the January young women’s retreat were going to the International Retreat in May, which ran from Friday to Tuesday over the Bank Holiday.  It was held in the grounds of Taraloka, but this time there were more like 450 people in attendance from all over the world!  Most people were camping or staying in caravans, although some stayed in the retreat centre itself.  This retreat had a really profound effect on me, reinforcing not only that this is what I want to do, and who I want to be, but also gave me a real appreciation for the FWBO (or Triratna Buddhist Community as it is now known) sangha on a larger scale.  Part of the retreat involved the changing of the name from “Friends of the Western Buddhist Order” to “Triratna Buddhist Community” – I’ll write a blog entry about the retreat complete with videos and pictures later!

Young people’s group

After coming back from the January young women’s retreat, Hannah and I got talking about how to get a young person’s group going.  We came to the conclusion that it would be sensible to pool our resources, and have a group which operates between the two centres at Ipswich Buddhist Centre and Colchester Buddhist Centre.  After speaking with the chairpeople of the centres, we were able to get our first meeting up and running quite quickly.  Attended by 6 people, we decided to meet every 3 weeks and alternate between the centres. Since this meeting we have had up to 12 people attending, and have watched films, played games, shared music and of course, meditated together!  We have plans for other events such as a bbq and film night, and it has been really fantastic to start meeting together, talking about the dharma, and how we implement it in our lives.

Work

having made the decision to go part time and work for myself 2 days a week, I’m now considering much more seriously how I run my business – particularly the ethical and “right livelihood” ideals to which I aspire.  As a result I now donate 10% of my turnover to the Abhayaratna Trust and am currently in discussions with a designer regarding rebranding my business to bettwe demonstrate the whole spectrum of work we do, as well as reflect the ethical and Buddhist  background which underpins it all.  Watch this space!

The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, worry about the future, or anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly.

Buddha

Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared.-Buddhist Quote

Compassion is that which makes the heart of the good move at the pain of others. It crushes and destroys the pain of others; thus, it is called compassion. It is called compassion because it shelters and embraces the distressed. – The Buddha.

Well all my excitement for the Young Women’s Retreat was well founded, it was an absolutely wonderful weekend, so inspiring to meet so many other young women with the same views, vision and interests.  To make things even more magical we had absolutely LOADS of snow during Saturday, completely blanketing the surrounding area in beautiful white snow around 10cm deep!  It was really lovely to meet up with people who had, until then, been “a friend on facebook” or an MSN contact!  Some really strong friendships have developed as a result of the young people’s initiative and I hope they continue to flourish!

Tara log cabin

Rather snowy!

The retreat came at just the right time in my life, and made me stop and think about how I was and the way I was living my life – and also to realise that I needed to make some pretty major shifts in my lifestyle, which I had been ignoring and putting off for far too long!

As a result, I’ve handed in my notice at my job and have managed to find a part time, 3 days a week job which is involved with corporate health and well being.  I’ve also confirmed what I had felt for some time, that Buddhism was indeed the path that I want to follow and am hoping to become more involved at the centres near me.  I’m currently reading quite a lot of text and working towards a daily practice, and while there are days when there just aren’t enough hours in the day, it is generally going very well and I am learning and developing in myself.

I also now have my own Dharma Bookcase thanks to the generosity of some good friends, who no longer had use for the bookcase.  My shrine is developing nicely and I’m generally quite happy with how things are progressing.

Dharma Bookcase

My shrine

While the winds of change are blowing rather hard now, I am confident that the changes are all for the better and am excited by what the future might hold!

With each heartbeat
metta comes
metta goes
metta flows

With each breath
awareness comes
awareness grows
awareness shows

With each day
I’ll find a way
to mind what I say
and to follow the way

I’m starting to get quite excited at the prospect of attending my first retreat this month with the Friends of the Western Buddhist Order, at the Taraloka retreat centre in Whitchurch, Shropshire.

I found out about this retreat through Facebook – I have been interested in Buddhism for a very long time and always felt it was the path I was to walk, but have not really done much more about it than that.  I noticed that there was a FWBO facebook group and also a group specifically for young people, and as a member of the latter I received an event invitation to the Young Women’s Retreat.  There is also a Young Buddhist’s Weekend being run in October 2010.

The FWBO is really making great strides to involve younger people in the organisation and these events look set to be a great way for likeminded young people to get together, meet, network, and learn.

The Young Women’s Retreat is being run by Lindsay Hannah, Vajratara and their team and will be considering how the blueprint for a new world described by Sangarakshita in 1976 relates to us today –and how we as young women are transforming of ourselves and the world into a spiritual community.  Through this event I have already made some really good friends by chatting on Facebook and am really looking forward to meeting everyone “in the flesh”!

See you all there!